Elizabeth (sistinas) wrote,

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60 Rules of Horror Punk

An Amusing list I found while surfing....

60 Rules of Horror Punk
(stolen from the forums at World Horror Network)

by Kurt Andersen

1.) Religiously watch Horror movies.
2.) Be a "Fiend"
3.) Be a "Ghoul"
4.) Change your name to something spooky (Danzig, Sid Terror, Wednesday 13, Evil Presley)
5.) Never use the word "Spooky"
6.) Watch and thoroughly enjoy "Plan 9 From Outer Space"
7.) Use Whoas as much as possible in your music
8.) Have at least one song that’s about Zombies contain the word Zombie, Dead, or Undead
9.) Refer to graves, graveyards, or cemeteries as much as possible. They’re "Fiendish".
10.) You know what you need? some skeli gloves
11.) You know what those gloves could use? Some spikes
12.) Always refer to your band as either: Evil, Pure evil, the most evil, evilest, fiendish, or ghoulish band ever.
13.) Make sure at LEAST one member of your band has his face painted like a skull or a Zombie
14.) All members of your band are required to have Devil Locks. If they don’t know what that is, kill them immediately (Or kick them out of the bad, either one)
15.) Never gain popularity (cult or otherwise) until 10 years after your band has broken up
16.) After gaining popularity, reform with only one old member and tour using the same name of your "popular" band.
17.) Make sure your logo contains a creepy looking skull or some variation of the Fiend Skull.
18.) Make a skeleton shirt using only a black long sleeve shirt and White Out
19.) Make a band website but never update it.
20.) Never keep the same drummer, instead frequently hire new ones and fire them for ridiculous reasons.
21.) You’re not using enough Whoas!
22.) Pick out a creepy 1950's style horror movie font for you to write your band name in
23.) Use green and purple for shading as much as possible
24.) Spikes, spikes, spikes
25.) Only use BC Rich guitars, they’re both Ghoulish AND Fiendish
26.) Break a guitar or bass every show
27.) Get a job solely to buy new equipment
28.) Frequently attack your crowd, bash at least one person in the head with your guitar
29.) Get banned from San Francisco
308.) Write multiple songs about killing teenage girls and how much you enjoyed it
31.) Make sure your drummer gets kidnapped for 6 months while touring
32.) Whhhooooaaaahhh!!!
33.) Make sure every photo is at a graveyard, or you playing live.
34.) Why isn’t there any blood in your show? MORE BLOOD!!!
35.) Every time you play live, have an old zombie movie play in the background.
36.) Kill a cow and use its backbone on your leather jacket
37.) Frequently state in public that Jerry Only should have just let the Misfits die.
138.) Put a number in one of your songs or album covers. This insures that fiends will refer to it for years to come.
39.) Frequently whine that Balzac should tour the U.S.
40.) Make sure you have a side project or album title that has the name of a Misfits song on it
41.) Don't speak, it you have to, grumble incoherently
42.) Make sure your band has little or no musical talent
43.) Wear boots: If possible, put spikes on them
44.) Chains: Not only a great accessory, but good for attacking the crowd
44.) Tour every single day for months on end, stop only to record an album.
45.) Go to London to tour but instead get throw in jail. Write a song about it.
46.) Open up your own club
47.) Get it shut down only a couple years after it opened due to payment issues and noise and violence complaints.
48.) Release self made EPs only, then compile them into two or three cds and give the cds different names then the EPs
49.) When thinking of lyrics, cd titles, band names etc. Remember, EVERYTHING comes from outer space
50.) Make your own record label, be sure to name it after an old horror movie or horror punk song
51.) Make sure your album covers contains any combination of the following: Zombies, Demons, Skulls, Vampires and half naked women
52.) Remember, Every day is Halloween
53.) If you want your band to be happy together and last long, don't be like Danzig.
54.) When writing lyrics, if you come at a writers block refer to rule 7
55.) If you’re browsing for cds and see one from Germany, get it.
56.) Frequently point out that the Nekromantix and Mad Sin are Psychobilly and not Horror-Punk
57.) Also at every possible moment, point out the difference between Psychobilly and Horror-Punk
58.) Punk Rock Is UNDEAD!
59.) When throwing a party, see rule 1
60.) You mean you sat here a read all this when you could be watching zombies massacre each other!? For shame, fooorrr shhhaaaammmmeee
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