Elizabeth (sistinas) wrote,

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spent another late night in the emergency room with a severe asthma attack, I always have so much trouble this time of year with all the fallen leaves and mold outside :( They put me back on prednisone which is a) good for my breathing but b) discouraging as hell for everything else, it makes me gain weight & I'm fighting an uphill battle as I am careful about my diet & excercise like crazy at the gym almost every day (except when I can't breathe well enough) but its harder than hell to keep from gaining (let alone LOOSE!) because of all the meds I'm on. I swear I gotta use a grocery bag at the pharmacy with: singular, serevent, flovent, albuterol, nasarel, atravent & now prednisone. Damn steroids! But not breathing is not an option & it beats dropping dead I guess! Just frustrating when there are people that hate you just because you are heavy (I swear it is the last taboo) and assume that people who are just don't give a shit about themselves & are sitting on their asses eating bon bons all day. Well fuck 'em if they do, its not always the case & its just plain wrong to judge people on appearances.

I swear my life is such a roller coaster - in the words of Dickens "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". I was thinking the other day about my health and how it relates to the rest of my life and honestly, I think just knowing that I could drop dead any day of repiratory failure makes me try even harder to live to have no regrets and do everything I possibly can that I want while I can - the travel, the tattoos, the self indulgent buying sprees. I remind myself I'm lucky to have a job that gives me the vacation days & $$ to do what I want as well as excellent medical insurance & if anything I've come to terms with the fact that my days probably are numbered & I doubt I'll live long enough to see retirement but at least I hope I won't die thinking "I wish I'd done.... (fill in the blank)"

So for now I'll look forward to seeing Bauhaus tonight & Lost City Angels on Tuesday & seeing my new Bisley painting :)
Tags: liz rants
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