Elizabeth (sistinas) wrote,

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No Salvation....No Forgiveness

Damn it happened again....

I'm not supposed to outlive friends of mine who are that much younger than me but I found out this afternoon that a very dear friend of mine took her life two days ago. And the deathrate of a very small circle is freaking me out since she was very good friends with my old friend Carrie who also committed suicide a little over two years ago. I feel like I've been hit by a truck....

I first met Jeannette in the fall of '95 outside Irving Plaza in NYC - she and another gal (her best friend Alizon) had beat us to be first in line for that night's Marilyn Manson show. Paula sold her a copy of her MM fanzine "Daydream Milk & Genocide" & they were amazed at the fact that we travelled to shows & said they wanted to be just like us. Uh-oh.

A week or so later the pair (all of 16 years old) turned up in Norfolk, VA at the Boathouse for another gig. They told us they'd decided to see all the shows & had taken all their $$$ & bought a car - Jeannette pulled the title out of her pocket & remarked that perhaps that was important and they commented that all they'd had to eat that day was a cough drop. We took pity on them & gave them some candy & a few bucks. Their devotion & intensity at the time was a bit scary. The cops caught Alizon that night & hauled her home but they didn't get Jeannette until the next night at the Raleigh show after she'd slept in the car all night.

Jeannette had been a cutter & with her new found obsession channeled it into her skin... she and Allizon became infamous after they carved the names "Marilyn" and "Manzon" into their chests... Jeannette had Marilyn across hers and Alizon had Manzon on hers (she's screwed up and gotten the "S" backwards so it looked like a Z) Alizon also sported about a dozen lip rings which looked pretty damn freaky. They were proud of their work & kept carving back into the wounds & formed heavy permanent scars. Jeannette even went a bit further and carved "No Salvation" down one arm and "No Forgiveness" down the other.

Manson was so impressed by this act that he incorporated those lyrics into the song "The Reflecting God" on his next album, his masterpiece "AntiChrist Superstar". They even sold a long sleeved shirt with Baphomet on the front and the "No Salvation" down one sleeve and "No Forgiveness" down the other - a tribute to Jeannette. He pretty much adopted them on the road & let them stay with him - it was strictly platonic, they'd watch TV late in the night & go on White castle runs & spray ketchup all over the motel rooms. Zepp would let them into shows first by walking them in & they'd hold the rest of us primo spots on the rail.

Because of their carvings they were nicknamed "The Slashers" and everybody called them that, they even ended up immortalized in Manson's autobiography "The Long Hard Road out of Hell" which included a color photo of their bleeding chests (they cut 'em back open fresh for the shot) but insisted their faces be cut off to protect their privacy - it freaked them out when they travelled & people had heard of them and recognized them or even weirder, wanted their autographs.

For all this early weirdness (even I was a bit freaked by them initially) they were really nice kids - Alizon was the shy quiet one & Jeannette the more outgoing and always seemed to be very chipper. We got to be very good friends & frequent road trip buddies - they'd often stay down here when they were in the area & we'd stay up at Jeannette's house in Connecticut when we were up there. A few years later she joined part of the 1998 Psychotica "Espina" tour when I was on the road doing their merch & we had a blast on that tour... gawd so many other memories over the years.

I last saw Jeannette a few months ago - ran into her at the Nine Inch Nails show up in Philly, hanging out again with Alizon and their old friend Zepp (who used to work as Manson's personal assistant) - they were like always road tripping & seeing as many Nails shows as they could & haning a great time. Jeannette seemed happy & was as outgoing as ever.

So when my friend Kristen today called me with the news that she'd killed herself it hit me like a fucking 18 wheeler. I always guessed that she must have had some sort of underlying emotional weakness way back to have been such a cutter but to my knowledge she'd stopped that years ago & she never struck me as depressed. Jeannette was always the upbeat and boyant one of the bunch. With Carrie unfortunately it wasn't a surprize, sadly she was an accident waiting to happen with her drug problems ("But all the drugs in this world...Won't save her from herself"), if anything I was just surprized she went out intentionally instead of accidentally. But with Jeannette it was a complete and utter shock.

Anyway, all things considered I spent the evening doing the most soothing thing I could... I took the metro downtown to Nation & got to hear the new AFI album "December Underground" in its entirity... pre-ordered yet another copy (I'd already pre-ordered one at the Henry Fonda show and another from amazon.co.uk since its coming out in England a week early & so theoretically might arrive here a few days before the US release of 6/6/06. This time I got a freebie 2 song single with the current single "Miss Murder" and an INXS cover "Don't Change".

The album is brilliant... the two songs I'd already heard ("Miss Murder", a very anthemic poppy song and "Kill Caustic" which is more your basic screamo) are unlike any of the others & IMHO the weakest tracks, it just got better & better from there. Love Like Winter could be the next single as it should be as it is amazing as are many others. I can't wait to be able to hear it agan & just sitting in a darkened room with a great sound system totally focused on wonderful new music was an incredibly soothing and healing type experience after the shocking news of the day. I love those guys, they give off good energy, some days I swear Davey is a fallen angel among us. I don't think I ever needed them more.

Jeannette, wherever you are please rest in peace.

I hope whatever pain was haunting you is gone now, you will be deeply missed and I will hang on to many wonderful memories and never forget you.

"The Reflecting God" (By Marilyn Manson on "AntiChrist Superstar")

Your world is an ashtray
We burn and coil like cigarettes
The more you cry your ashes turn to mud
It's the nature of the leeches, the virgin's
Feeling cheated
You've only spent a second of your life
My world is unaffected, there is an exit here
I say it is and then it's true,
There is a dream inside a dream,
I'm wide awake the more I sleep
You'll understand when I'm dead
I went to god just to see, and I was looking at me
Saw heaven and hell were lies
When I'm god everyone dies
Scar/can you feel my power?
Shoot here and the world gets smaller
Scar/scar/can you feel my power?
One shot and the world gets smaller
Let's jump upon the sharp swords
And cut away our smiles
Without the threat of death
There's no reason to live at all
My world is unaffected, there is an exit here
I say it is and then it's true,
There is a dream inside a dream,
I'm wide awake the more I sleep
You'll understand when I'm dead



"Each thing i show you is a piece of my death"
Shoot shoot shoot motherfucker
No salvation, no forgiveness
"This is beyond your experience"
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